Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
