I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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