This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
