Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
