He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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