i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
