I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
