Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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