Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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