We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
