You work out of a Hotel?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
