whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
