So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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