I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
