Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
