If i come over, it means nothing
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
