We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
