You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
