I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
