Need sex. Gaining weight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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