I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
