There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
