4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
