I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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