There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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