Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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