I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
