He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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