There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
