i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
