I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
