id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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