i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you didnt know i had herpes?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
