he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
