so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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