Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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