Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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