She's JV to your varsity
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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