eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
