Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
