Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
