Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
