I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
