you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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