Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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