I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
