The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
