hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
