I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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