Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
